Sexy Parodius (Arcade / PSP) Review

 (Originally posted on November, 2017)

(1996, Arcade/2007, PSP)

With a carefree abandon similar to that of a toddler tossing away an overly familiar plate of food, each game in Konami’s Parodius series seeks a strong novelty appeal above all else. While still largely retaining the gameplay of its forbearer, Gradius, the usual and rather terrifying premise of a single, heroic fighter ship battling an entire alien empire has been replaced with all sorts of goofy and unimaginable mishaps. The final act, Sexy Parodius, experiments even more daringly by making stages mission based. A fresh emphasis is placed on collecting items or destroying certain enemy types, which may affect the preceding cut scene and stage you branch off to next. True to the game’s title, the developers (perhaps sensing the series was coming to end) gave the series a final, wacky hurrah by piling on enough suggestive imagery to make even an already red cephalopod blush.

The tale revolves around longtime series mascots, the suddenly lecherous octopus Tako and abacus-involved penguin Pentarou. Having opened up a mercenary shop, they send out the cast of Konami high flyers in aid of whoever’s willing to pay. A baby chick hilariously pleads “The corn is bullying us! Defeat that evil corn!” A gaunt and spooky lady has had her massive, rotting castle overtaken by rats and wishes for you to exterminate them. Meet the objective to possibly access an otherwise hidden stage and enjoy some comical, borderline fully nude artwork: Just a joke in today’s times, but highly valuable before mainstream internet access.

At first, the idea of side objectives seemed not only gimmicky, but possibly threatening to the serious business that goes into designing a good shooter. After the initial chaos of the first run through the game, I found that Konami’s new additions actually made for some interesting scenarios. At spots where the most appealing treasures seem ready for the taking, increased dangers may also await. While exploring a seemingly endless bathhouse (where, of course, plenty of young women are bathing), the most precious of coins often idle near the bottom of waterfalls. If you don’t properly take the water bearing upon your ship into account, you’ll soon crash into the porcelain and go down the drain. In other areas, the sheer information overload of all the goodies to shoot or grab quickly take attention over the ever present bullet and environmental hazards, resulting in a death that can satisfyingly be blamed on one’s own distractibility.

While overall stagnant in relation to the rest of the series, a few of the stages are particularly memorable and make the play well worth it. Stage 4B (possibly a tribute to Studio Ghibli’s Pon Poko?) brings you through a forest teaming with Gaia’s energy under the glow of the starry, moonlit sky. Eventually you’ll delve underground where a complex and lively mining operation threatens to uproot all that natural beauty. Prior to beginning the stage, an onion headed man begs you to destroy particular machinery encroaching upon the wilderness. Stage 3A heads towards Dracula’s decrepit castle. After making your way through the rain pouring from a chaotic crimson sky, a familiar jingle precedes the extermination run through a gloomy labyrinth and heavenly cathedral, climaxing towards a fight with a giant rendition of Medusa of Greek myth...or rather, Castlevania! Appearing submerged entirely underwater, the Yie Air Ku-Fu stage offers giant dragons and beautiful Chinese architecture. Exploring Konami’s 1985 era is much fun, until experiencing the roadblock of that stage's overpowered boss, who may have you stumped for many continues. The final stage is particularly frustrating in that there’s a time limit in seeing it to completion. While you’re free to continue as often as you’d like, the time never replenishes when you’re sent backwards. Once the clock’s up, you’ll have to start a whole new game if you hope to get a “good ending”.

Unless your de facto babysitter was a Galaga or Centipede cabinet, just surviving one second to the next in most shooters is hard enough, thus the added mission objectives make conditions almost overwhelmingly stressful at first. But, given enough time to adjust, you may begin to appreciate the approach. Even with all the radical changes, Sexy Parodius doesn’t make much of a stride that’s sorely needed for such a peculiar series. Often using the same tricks, traps and even general settings, the levels are starting to feel revisited. The music, still as amazing as ever, has lost its comical and unique boldness to an almost predictable familiarity. With the last three games being built on identical or at least comparable hardware, the wacky and beautiful world of Parodius is beginning to turn into somewhat of a blur.

Lacking any notable distinction compared to the freshness of the original ‘Octopus Saves the Earth,’ the initial “Wow!” factor of ‘Parodius Da’, marked improvement of ‘Gokujou,’ or the remarkable Konami tribute found in ‘Jikkyou,’ Sexy Parodius’ over reliance on mission gimmicks, nudity and sex jokes seems to indicate the series came to an end just in time. Sad such an interesting celebration of the company couldn’t be indefinitely sustained, but I can still look forward to trying a few notably altered ports and Konami’s many other, entirely separate ventures into space. The likes of Gradius, Salamander and others seem like quite an adventure, but I don’t know if battling just any old robot or alien can quite top a bidet armored penguin or mischievous tanuki who proudly lets it all hang out.